What if Nigerian musicians were your therapists?

What would a world look like where Nigerian musicians were practicing therapists?

Don’t think about it too much. We know.

portable

First, since you’re going to ask him for advice, whatever your eyes see, take it that way. Aside from being able to mislead you so much that your life would be worse than when you first met, your entire business would also be in the public eye. Once you miss Portable’s payment this way, he’ll go live on IG to tell everyone about your childhood trauma, abandonment issues, and serial infidelity.

As a

Damn expensive, but the thing is, after one therapy session, this woman will fix you no matter how fucked up your problems are. But you won’t admit it because you want to keep spending time with her because you love her a little too much.

(I think I may have gotten a little too personal there. Sorry guys.)

wonder child

This man is good at his job, but he never has any advice of his own to give you. It’s always what someone else tells them that they would come back and tell you.

Please

As you tell Asake your secrets, he will interrupt you midway and ask if he can add you to his group of choristers. Next, you’re in the studio with 15 other patients, yelling “Emiliano rora” at the top of your lungs.

Ayra Starr

If you’re not Gen-Z, please don’t even bother booking a therapy session with Ayra Starr. Do you know the meaning of period? Or purr? That’s the vocabulary you’ll meet there, so just save yourself the extra headache. Before you go there sad and leave confused.


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Burna boy

Burna Boy will be talking about himself 90% of the time, and you must be careful not to interrupt the African giant or ask him to mind your own problems. But when he finally gives you some advice, it says, “You need Igbo and Shayo.” Simple.

times

After spending hours telling Tems all your troubles in life, all you get is, “Crazy things happen.” But her beauty will heal you, so win win.

Kizz Daniel

You’ve heard from everyone that he’s a great therapist, but after you’ve paid and arrived at his office, he’ll tell his receptionist to tell you he’s not there.

Davido

He’s the therapist with all the good vibes. He can falsely shame you multiple times, sha.

Tope Alabi

After all your conversations, Tope Alabi will have only one question: “Have you tried Jesus?” And if you stay a little longer, a deliverance session will begin.


Also read: If Nigerian musicians had side jobs, what would they do?

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