The Vanderbilt Hustler | Here for all the wrong reasons: Episode 3 of The Bachelor Season 26

Welcome to Here for the Wrong Reasons, where every week I’ll be recaps of all the champagne-guzzling and petty “Can I steal you for a second?” shows of The Bachelor season 26. Nothing boosts your confidence in your own love life like watching a bunch of desperate twentysomethings vie for a stranger’s affection! Check back each week for episode recaps and updates on Clayton Echard’s journey to Become an Instagram influencer find love

I have to get something straight: I’m having trouble buying into this season. Much like Peter Weber, Clayton is the embodiment of a stale slice of Wonder Bread™; Unlike Peter Weber’s wives, the drama between Clayton’s wives is not as unique. Usually the show can make up a boring head start with good contestants and entertaining drama, but this season’s action falls flat. I’m over the endless bickering between Shanae and Elizabeth – the irony of Shanae calling Elizabeth “fake” and “double-faced” while Shanae is the fake and the double-faced isn’t funny, it’s incredibly annoying – and none of the other women I notice. Maybe they just fit Clayton’s energy?

The Rose Retreat

In the last episode we ended with Clayton asking presenter Jesse Palmer if he could take back a rose. Jesse gives him the green light, so Clayton pulls Cassidy aside. He questions her about her alleged friends with benefits (FWB) at home, which she FaceTimed the night before she arrived at the house, per Sierra. In so many words, Cassidy says she’s only interested in the benefits and not in a relationship with this guy, but Clayton isn’t. He accuses her of being there for the wrong reasons (a shoutout to that column maybe?), takes her rose back, and brings an ugly crying Cassidy to the limousine. No one is sad to see them go except Shanae, which is kinda worse than no one being sad to see them go.

The Rose Ceremony

At the rose ceremony, an insecure Clayton sends Ecy, Kate, and Tessa to unpack. That means there are 18 women left vying for his heart. As much as I hate to agree with Shanae, she points out how ridiculous it is for the dumped women to say their tearful goodbyes considering they’ve only known each other for a few weeks at most.

Trauma Dump Group Date

Typically, the contestants on this show are expected to reveal a dark part of their past to the main character in a one-on-one conversation over dinner. This week, however, the producers have decided to get straight to the point and schedule a group date that can best be described as a group therapy session with no licensed therapists present.

Serene, Susie, Eliza, Mara, Marlena, Hunter, Genevieve and Jill are ushered into a darkened room and greeted by none other than former Bachelorette and co-host of The Bachelorette’s last two seasons, Kaitlyn Bristowe. They sit in a circle as Kaitlyn reassures them that Clayton is “one of the most genuine and genuine men that has ever really walked the show.”

The only explanation for this inaccurate statement is that Kaitlyn is from Canada and Canadians are notoriously nice.

It’s time to get “really vulnerable and deep,” so Kaitlyn reads out statements like “Stand up if there’s parts of you you’re not proud of,” an exercise derived from an anti-bullying Seminar I attended in the middle of school. After each statement, Clayton and the women take turns sharing why they got up. Hunter reveals her ex-boyfriend made her change everything about himself – from dying her hair to getting colored contacts – before cheating on her. Next, Serene shares that she was ashamed of growing up so small. Obviously body-shaming is never okay, but it’s interesting that the show can talk about skinny-shaming but not a single person can throw over a size 4… Clayton also shares that he’s faced body insecurities in the past and all the women are moved to tears.

At the after party, Serene tells Clayton that her family rarely discussed feelings growing up, then Eliza and Clayton stare at each other in the mirror. Eliza scores on the group date because Clayton likes to look at her.

One on one with Sarah

Staying on topic with the former Bachelorettes hosting this episode’s dates, Becca Kufrin is here to oversee a scavenger hunt around town. The catch? Clayton and Sarah have to “strip down to their skivvies” as they run through downtown LA. This date would have been more appropriate for the season of “sex-positive” Katie Thurston, but I’m letting it slide. Almost naked, they eat ice cream, swing piñatas and sing (or at least try to).

At dinner, Sarah Clayton talks about her adoption. Growing up: “I was really ashamed to be adopted. I just felt like a second choice,” she says. They connect with both having “insecurities,” though Clayton doesn’t specify what his are. At the end of the date, he gives her the rose for two, and the two dance to a string quartet in front of the immersive Van Gogh exhibit (which we have). here in Nashville!). Definitely a step up from the usual G-list pop singer and producer designed backdrop.

Shrimp Gate

If you’re a card-carrying member of Bachelor Nation like me, you’ll remember the infamous champagne gate from Peter Weber’s season of The Bachelor when Hannah Ann “accidentally” stole Kelsey’s bottle of Dom Perignon to share with Peter and Kelsey’s spare bottle exploded in her face. Consider this fiasco a precursor to this episode’s drama: Shrimp Gate.

We rarely get a glimpse of what the women do at the villa in their free time, and I’m honestly not sure why – their shenanigans are far more entertaining than any of the dates. Elizabeth whips up a helping of shrimp for the women, and Shanae promptly takes heed – the show documents this with a shrimp count in the corner of the screen – which is more than her fair share. Elizabeth’s answer wins Quote of the Week:

“Obviously there are two things Shanae can’t keep out of her mouth: and that’s my name and shrimp.”

To appease the women who didn’t get shrimp, Shanae makes her own batch, but gets even more pissed when they supposedly don’t take her crustacean peace offer.

You can say a lot of things about this show, but you can’t say that it isn’t amusing.

Baywatch group date

The second group’s date card reads: “Love’s a beach”. Gabby, Rachel, Kira, Melina, Lyndsey, Sierra, Teddi, Elizabeth, and Shanae are meeting up with Clayton on the beach and playing soccer (or at least trying to) when Nicole Eggert, who appeared on the show “Baywatch,” arrives at ATV to to train them to become lifeguards. The women pretend to recognize them, but considering the fact that “Baywatch” aired around the time they were all born, I’m not too convinced.

Nicole has the women don matching red one-piece swimsuits that convey a lot of “beach-themed sorority offer day” vibes. First, they put sunscreen on each other, with Clayton watching in a rather voyeuristic manner. Next, they learn how to perform CPR on a dummy, which also gets incredibly sexual, and they’re so bad at it that I pray they never get into a situation where they, like actually perform life-saving CPR. They also practice their “Baywatch” slo-mo beach run, which is equal parts uncomfortable for viewers and gives Clayton a boner. In classic Shanae-nae form, she takes the opportunity to aggressively make out with Clayton at the end of her run. Nicole decides Gabby is the day’s winner; As prizes, she gets to share champagne and make out with the painfully sunburnt bachelor at the lifeguard stand.

At the afterparty, Gabby brings aloe to soothe Clayton’s sunburn (and to be able to touch his torso shirtless). After that, the party takes a less light-hearted turn when Shanae can’t go on a date without raising the pot. She claims that she feels bullied around the house, which is ridiculous because she intentionally makes the other women hate her so she can get camera time. In an interview, she literally admits to having two faces, saying: “Oh my god, he believed me. I have him. Trust me. i know i have him I was good.” Unfortunately, Clayton is too dumb to see through Shanae’s obvious calculations, so he tells her not to “worry too much” and kisses her.

Next, Clayton pulls Elizabeth and Lyndsey aside to address Shanae’s allegations of bullying, which justifiably leaves her baffled: Imagine being bullied by someone and then accused of bullying them.

What is this middle school drama?

When the women confront Shanae, she says, “I didn’t point out any names other than a few.” In the words of Clint Arlis of “Bachelorette” season 11, the tragically passed away Last month: “Villains gotta vill.” Luckily, Clayton doesn’t reward Shanae’s behavior and instead gives Gabby the group rose.

The episode ends ominously when Clayton tells the women of the day that he is frustrated with the fighting at the mansion and will speak to all of them about it tomorrow. Elsewhere in LA, Cassidy is likely getting some consolation benefits from her FWB.

Comments are closed.