Coffeetime Column: The Advisor grabbed her and kissed her | opinion
A troubled couple went to a marriage counselor. After many sessions of unsuccessful attempts to get the couple to see their problems the same way, the counselor became frustrated with her stone walls.
The day came when the unhappy woman simply blurted out, “I just have to feel overwhelmed by love, passion and romance.” With one quick movement, the counselor stood up and pulled her to her feet. He leaned her back in his arms and kissed her thoroughly with great passion. Then he put her back on the chair next to the confused husband. Hoping to have finally reached the man, the advisor turned to the man and said with a smile: “And that, sir, your wife needs about three times a week.” Whereupon the husband said hesitantly: “Okay … I can probably bring them on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.”
A few years ago Gary Chapman wrote a great book, The Five Love Languages. He pointed out that each of us has a certain way that makes us feel loved more than anyone else. Some people need (1) words of affirmation, others live from (2) physical contact. There are many who feel loved when they receive (3) gifts and others in need of (4) acts of service done for them. Then there are those who respond best to (5) time together.
When you are in a relationship with someone, you want that person to feel loved by you. And in return, you want and expect someone to do the same. But for this to happen, you each need to know what’s knocking your socks off. While you also realize that your own love language probably won’t do anything for your partner’s socks.
Here are some examples of the problem. Perhaps you are a woman who knows that an expensive gift will blow your mind. That’s how thoughtlessly you assume that this will work for your loved one as well. Au contraire, my presuming friend! If he’s someone who feels loved with a hot meal on the table and clean socks and underwear in the drawer of his dresser, then you’ve completely missed it if you work seventy-five hours a week to give him a Rolex watch. Watch to buy.
And if you’re one of those husbands who rely on calling your sensitive wife six times a day to say, “I love you” while spending your free time with the guys fishing or hunting, you should probably just go ahead and call prefer to hire a divorce lawyer.
Do you want a blooming relationship? To learn! Find out what your loved one needs. Learn what you want. Then communicate – don’t accept. Because it’s easy to make wrong guesses and eventually see your loved ones looking for the next exit. And leave you scratching your head wondering what on earth went wrong.